inhibitions

I always think allergies are just allergies until I have serious congestion, a sore throat and a headache.  Even then I try to play it off as ‘bad allergies’ but this morning I gave in and bought cold medicine.  For my allergies.

Was thinking about my life the other day and I can hear you yawning now and x’ing out but that’s cool.  Most people have a few things they are really good at doing.  Brian has photography and the ability to write.  My sister has a serious way with kids; nurturing doesn’t even come close to describing her.  Mom: physical and mental science.  I can think of everyone in my life and place them in some spot or general area of spots in terms of their abilities, interests and strengths.  Some people have a few spots or like five at which they’re mostly good…

I’m good at nothing!  I truly, other than navigating a car (I’m pretty awesome on roadtrips), cannot think of one thing with which to associate myself.  I can (and won’t ) sit here and tell you a few things that I’m pretty good at, though they wouldn’t be considered ‘strengths’ by any stretch of the imagination.  It’s a weird thing to write about  because I promise you I’m not fishing for compliments or for the great people in my life to tell me that I’m worth something – in fact I’ll close comments because it truly isn’t about that.  Maybe it’s hard for us to see our strengths on our own?  Brian thinks he sucks as a photographer, which is mind-numbingly ridiculous.  He has issues with self esteem, and so do I but I just wish there were one thing that I could really call a calling.  It accounts for me not knowing what to do with my career or how to tell people what’s going on in my life.  Sure, I have a job and I’m taking some courses…but that’s nothing to write home about.

Maybe I will let the comments through if there are some – Have you ever felt placeless?  You do things and please people but your goals are foggy and distant?  Lemme know if you have felt this way or do now because it’d be nice to know that I’m not alone in this.

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~ by Lindsey on 21 April 2009.

One Response to “inhibitions”

  1. You’re not alone – its strange to think that we do all this “Stuff” day in and day out, and yet we’re… aimless. Not that our lives are meaningless or mundane, but that we haven’t yet been shoved into the place where we excel the most.

    Maybe its less that you aren’t good at things, and more than you just haven’t stumbled upon it yet. Right now, the only thing I’m truly good at is loving Rex. Sounds pitiful, I know, but maybe its doing some good in the long run. I might find eventually that I’m good at music theory (I haven’t found that out yet) or might develop the ability to write (working on it)… but I’ve had to stop comparing my abilities to those around me in order to stay sane.

    You are awesome, Lindsey – if nothing else, for your gift of humor. You’re pretty expressive with words, too… I don’t know what else you’ve got going on in life, but I bet you’re pretty adept at taking care of Brian and Olive :)

    Anyways. Rambling means its time to go… but before I do, here’s something I’ve been pondering lately – maybe life is about developing the ability to do what is important instead of what everyone else does. Important is different for everyone; maybe you’re already doing that and you don’t know it.

    ~Catie

    P.S. We still haven’t gotten together. Shame on us! We live like an hour apart…

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